woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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