woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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