Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
