I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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