So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
