The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
