hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
