suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
