At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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