dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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