hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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