3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
