i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just blew my weed a kiss
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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