You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
