Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
