Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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