My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize