She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
