Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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