Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
