So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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