We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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