remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
