I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
