cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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