you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
