Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
