Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
