i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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