call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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