I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize