just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
me + whiskey = a bad person
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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