Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
