Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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