so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
