is your mom at the bar?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
