Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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