You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
