HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
