New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
