you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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