I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
