even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
