i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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