you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
someone owes me an orgasm
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every concussion has its silver lining
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
