omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
