Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
