Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
