Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
