Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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