I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
