Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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