That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
