this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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