why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
