she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
