I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
