He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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