A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
