This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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