Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize