Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
