He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
