I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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