at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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