he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
