A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
