My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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