while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
