what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
