literally had 100 drinks last night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
