I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
