we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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