i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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