I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize