I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I looked at my own cervix.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
