She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
