Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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