my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
