Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
