Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
