she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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