So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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