its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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