you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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