he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
