i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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