Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
