Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
